Single & Dating in Your 30s

I have had several requests to write more posts like 31 & Still Single and it’s consistently in the top ten posts that are being read on the blog. So despite the fact that there is literally a mountain of information about dating on the internet and I am not an expert of any kind, I will attempt to pass on some further wisdom about dating in your 30s. Take it or leave it and as always, I want to know your reactions to my opinion. Perhaps you have some better advice than I do. For the guys that read my blog, you may be tempted to skip this post. I think you might want to read it though because it’s a little insight into the female mind and a few choice bits of advice for you.

The first thing that’s important to remember is that dating is very much like looking for a job. You need to be specific, you need to know what you want and you need to put in the effort, otherwise you’ll just get junk. Actually, I could probably write a whole post just comparing job searching with the search for love.

To this end, the first thing I suggest you do is re-examine your “must have” and your “deal breaker” lists. Just to be clear, I am not suggesting you lower your standards; I’m suggesting that you are not the same you as the 20 year-old who first created those lists. For instance, my own “must have” list used to read university educated. I’ve since revised that to read simply intelligent. Why the change? Because my attitudes towards education have changed, I myself have only a couple of college degrees (and I justify my high standards by only seeking what I feel I in turn can provide) and I’ve realized that not all smart people go to university and not everyone who goes to university is smart. On the flipside, my :deal breaker” list has gotten longer. (I’m not pricing myself out of the market so to speak, but it previously only had two things on it.) I’ve added no excessive video/computer game playing and one or two other things.

Once you’ve re-examined your lists you should have no trouble revising what it is you want from a potential mate. Done that? Ok, now it’s time for the reality check and what I consider some pieces of common sense.

If you’re single in your 30s it’s because you choose to be. Repeat that to yourself a few times.  I choose to be single. Trust me when I tell you that there are more than enough single people out there that if you didn’t want to be single, you wouldn’t be.

You are too old to play games. What do I mean by this? I mean if you like a girl/guy, ask them out on the second date while you’re still on the first one. Don’t wait two (or three) days to call. Just throw that dumbass rule out the window. It does not make you look desperate; it shows genuine interest. So to recap: keep the fun and flirty side; just get rid of the junk. Oh and ladies, most guys are ok with you doing the asking, so if you feel brave, go for it.

You are an adult and not a child, so act like it. Don’t text a potential date/mate, big a big boy/girl and pick up the phone.

When you’re lying on your deathbed looking back at your life, the things you will regret most are the things you did not do. So the next time you’re at the coffee shop/book store/lunch line/wherever, smile, say hello and be open to possibility.

The worst that can happen to you is the word “no”. If that happens, shake it off and realize it’s the other person’s loss if they’re not willing to take a chance. And men, most women will say “yes” when you ask them out. Just keep it casual and short on the first date.

In case I haven’t given you a big enough dose of reality yet…Some dates will suck. Some dates you will think went well but he will never call. This is something that hasn’t changed with age. You have to try not to sweat it – and yes, I’m aware of how simple that is to say compared to the difficulty of doing it. When you do make a real connection, the call and the second (third, fourth etc.) date will come.

Until you know otherwise, the next guy you meet could be The One. So until you know he’s not, be positive, assume that he could be and act accordingly. Maybe I should rephrase that one so that it doesn’t sound to guys like I’ve just given permission to the women of the world to act like crazy stalkers. What I mean with this really goes back to the thing about being open to possibility. If you assume that the guy who is sitting across from you could be the one you are seeing him in a much better light than if you sit there expecting him to prove that he might be.

When you’re on the date here’s something to remember. He asked you out which means he ALREADY LIKES YOU. So be yourself, and rather than worrying about whether or not he’ll ask you out again, focus on being in the moment and exploring if there’s a connection between you. And relax!

We forget it when the butterflies descend, but dating is supposed to be fun, so try to relax and enjoy it.

 

Knowing that I now need to get out there and take my own advice, that’s my 2¢ for today.

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~ by leslies2cents on July 31, 2012.

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