50 Shades of Grey? Try 50 shades of give me a break! 50 Shades is without a doubt the worst thing I’ve read since I tried to read that Twilight drivel. I was actually irked to the point of possibly developing a tic while reading this because people all over North America think this book is good. I just don’t understand that because it’s god-awful.

The writing is by turns mundane and trite, but there is consistency in that it’s juvenile throughout. It reads like a teenager’s first book where the adult scenes have obviously been lifted directly from another source. Once in a while a higher level word is thrown in and thanks to the average vocabulary level of the writing it’s completely incongruous – see I can do it too – when viewed against the novel as a whole. It puts me in mind of a girl teetering around in a pair of heels who thinks she’s sailing down a runway, graceful as a model. Another bit of inconsistency was the British colloquialisms in a book that’s set in the North Eastern United States. Out of curiosity, I just looked up the author and according to Wikipedia, she is indeed from the UK and her first works of fiction were Twilight fan fiction. Talk about hitting the nail on the proverbial head. How much can one person blush? I stopped counting when I ran out of fingers within a couple of chapters.

It’s ridiculous to think the editor didn’t lose their job for publishing this tripe. He or she is just lucky that the general populace can be led around like a group of children in the thrall of the crowd’s alpha. As adults are we really still so prone to peer pressure? Are we that afraid of having a dissenting opinion? Or is the mere fact that 50 Shades is a little outside the generally accepted erotica what makes it so titillating? I’m reminded of a trip a few years back to the Naughty but Nice sex show that was in town. A few of us gals went together and one of my friends, whom I dearly love, spent the day being overly raunchy and shoving large neon dildos under everyone else’s noses to cover up how uncomfortable she was. That is exactly what it feels like people are doing with this book when they exult it.

As for the fact that the sex side of 50 Shades delves into an area that’s not considered mainstream, I have something to say. It’s not new either! This is a sub-culture of sexual activity that’s been around and thriving for centuries. When will we stop finding it so necessary to comment on what other consenting adults do behind closed doors? Why is it any of our business? It’s the same when the odd homosexual love story hits the mainstream (remember Brokeback Mountain?) where small-minded idiots the world over come out of the woodwork and find it necessary to point out just why they should be taken out back and shot. Only this time they’re glorifying the book so that they don’t have to break with the herd. Read whatever you want. Screw whoever you want, however you want, but please, don’t tout the worst writing I’ve seen in years as a great book. And if you want to read a little erotica, why not choose some Catherine Coulter, Nora Roberts, JD Robb or one of literally dozens of others. At least they can tell a story that’s interesting in between the sex and ridiculousness that is the characters.

Another in a long line of trashy romances that adorn the nightstands of women the world over, I don’t see the point of 50 Shades of Grey, beyond its obvious utilitarian value. The messages are the same as in any other “harlequin” romance: you need a man, a man who can give you mind blowing sex each and every time, you can change this man, you will not be happy until you make babies with this man. And as I’ve stated multiple times already, the writing is dreadful. Yet here I am, reading 50 Shades, which I hear is being scouted around Hollywood for possibly Christian Greys and Anastasia Steels? Really, considering the source material I’d think a couple of porn stars would be more than adequate. At least I have the guts to stand up and tell you that this book is hardly good enough to adorn the roll in my bathroom, if you catch my meaning.

Verdict? If you don’t have to read 50 Shades of Grey (and the two subsequent books), don’t.


And that’s my decidedly opinionated 2¢ for today.

~ by leslies2cents on July 14, 2012.

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